Valentines Day, Communication, and Testing

by brianp411

I’ve been out for two days with my girlfriend so I haven’t actually gotten the chance to post on this thing yet. Anyway, this post is basically going to be about how my days were with my girlfriend were over Valentines day and yesterday (Friday) and the horrible scariness of a test I got coming up!

So for Valentines day, it was a mixture of getting to spend time with spend time with her and arguing. I initially did something that she didn’t like and I got mad at her reaction towards it so I took a shower and turned off the lights and went to bed angry. She apologized and wanted me to talk to her. I didn’t want to talk to her. She started packing her stuff and I was nervous that she was going to leave so I asked her what she was doing. She was obviously annoyed so she told me to just stay in bed and forget about it. At that point, I begged her not to leave and we talked about the argument. At that point, I thought everything was cool and I didn’t think anything to the contrary. I found out the next day that she was still angry about that stuff but she felt like I didn’t want to hear it. That’s why she attempted to leave; she didn’t really want to but she needed something to get my attention so that I could talk to her. I guess it wasn’t enough.

The next day, she locks her keys in her car. From where we were to her house would be an hour and an half drive, so just to get back to her house and back it would take three hours, not taking into account the traffic. So, I was obviously mad and I was hungry at the time, so I just wanted to grab a bite and deal with it later. She didn’t want to have it, even though I offered to pay, because she was scared someone would break into her car cuz she had her keys, gps, etc. That pissed me off even further and I was pissed the entire time driving – I, like many people when they get angry and drive, drive recklessly, and I was doing that on the highway – trying to salvage some time for the day. By the time I got back, I was so angry that I just wanted her to leave.

It’s at this point that I climbed in her car to change my mind about wanting her to stay and we had a talk as a result. We’ve had these talks before where we think about what it would be like to be broken up and talk about how we both feel like doing that. I hate those fucking talks. I love this girl and she loves me and it seems so awful to talk about shit like that. But we talked about it, and she said to me that I don’t talk to her anymore when I’m angry and you know what? I don’t. I used to be the one in the relationship who did a majority of the talking to try to get her to fess up with what she was mad about. She would be the one to bottle up her emotions about something. I hated that shit, and now I’m doing what she used to do – for a couple of months now. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really do need to communicate how I’m feeling with her and she agreed that she would do her very best to do the same. Up to so far, she’s been excellent with that. It’s funny how our partners habits become our own after a while. I would have never thought I’d be the one to be like ‘I’m not talking because I’m pissed but I don’t want to talk about why I’m mad.’ That shits never solved anything for anyone ever, as she likes to say say. I remember saying those same words to her too, you know? How ironic is it that we’ve switched places like this.

So, basically yesterday, I enjoyed that conversation me and her had, and then we had a great day afterwards. We watched ‘Silver Lining Playbook’ (good movie) and enjoyed a beach day looking at the stars. I was really happy. The point is though, I keep having my anger affect my ability to communicate and resolve things quickly. I don’t want that. Relationships deteriorate by a lack of communication like that. I’ve seen many of my friends relationships deteriorate in similar or related ways (relationships of 4+ years). I’m going on three with my girlfriend come March, and I don’t want shit to end because of stuff like that. I’m no saint, I’ve thought about cheating on her and having sex with hotter girls and I often fantasize about having sex with girls at work or in my class, but ultimately she’s the best thing for me and supported in more ways than I’ll ever be able to pay back. I don’t know what gets me to think of those things, maybe its the gaps in time we get to spend each other or maybe it’s lust but whatever is, it’s a really bad habit that I need to get out of.

Anyway, to wrap this thing up, my Economics teacher just sent us 20% of the exam that’s coming up soon (it’s a 50 question quiz). Everyone was complaining to him about giving us a sample of questions that were on the test so he did and I’m reading through them and they’re fucking hard. I thought Supply/Demand was an easy concept to grasp, but he focused mainly on stuff he didn’t talk about. The questions were relating to concepts, theories, economic models, and basically all stuff he didn’t even allude to. The good thing is most of the information is in the book or so I think.

My Economics professor basically reads off slides from the book and I hate that shit. He does lecture, but it seems when he lectures it’s not about the material at hand and he seems confused by the simple graphs that are on the slides that he purposely chose to show us. He constantly keeps reminding us ‘yep, you don’t need to read that, that won’t be on the test. It’s self explanatory’ I think that’s his device to say ‘I don’t know what this is but I’m trying to teach a class about it.’ I don’t want to be harsh on the guy, but I don’t think he really knows what he’s talking about half the time. His explanations for the stuff that’s on those slides is radically different than what is actually on the slides. It’s like he’s coming up with his own interpretation of what they say, rather than what they actually say. It pisses me off in class that I’m listening to his bullshit and I understand what the book and slides are saying more than he does (not to sound like a pompous ass).

Needless to say, I’m nervous because I don’t know how I’m going to do in this class (or the exam for that matter) I’ve been invited to Phi Theta Kappa for a third time but I keep rejecting their offers because I’m afraid my GPA is going to drop from a 4.0 to something awful in which I’d get kicked out of the club and that would suck balls. Getting kicked out of an honor club because you fucked up your grades. Fuck that. This is why I’ve been putting it off for a while.

Finally, I really do  like studying Economics but it’s just frustrating that I don’t feel like I’m learning anything in my class but my book is challenging me in a way that I don’t think I’ll be able to overcome. Easy class, hard tests. WTF man?