briansjournal1

uncensored, unfiltered, thoughts

Category: Rants/Anger

Revelations and Updates

Time for an update! Recently I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with the amount of exams I’ve had/will have these past few weeks. The timestamp of this post should probably be an indication of that. I’ve been procrastinating extensively because I’ve been lured away by into the beautiful world of computer build log forums especially this one called linustechtips. It’s a great site but it causes me to think about buying really expensive computer parts that I can’t afford on a minimum $8/hr job. The worse part about it that it’s kept me from my studying for some time now so this is why I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed in the first place. I’ve been going to bed at 3AM on school nights because I’ve been so mesmerized by people’s awesome computer builds and I’ve been up late researching ways on how to do these things. It almost seemed like an addiction because no matter how many times I told myself that I would get something done that day I would just slack off and browse these internet forums for a long period of time until it was too late or I was too tired to do anything. My reasoning was that if I could research what I wanted now and make plans on how to buy these things then I could be truly happy and then return to studying.

Well, now the problems begin! About a week ago I was browsing the internet looking for ways to secure a loan without credit (bad idea in the first place) and I stumbled upon this website that talked about getting a car title loan. I thought it was a scam but I filled out their online application and low and behold I actually got a call from someone two states away in New Hampshire. They explained the whole process (minus the actual financial details) and then I got this crazy idea that I would actually drive 80 miles up to this place and get a title loan. Well, I did and there were several red flags that should have stopped me from signing my life away to these loan sharks but I didn’t care because I wanted quick cash for a computer build. Well, they told me it would cost 22% interest, I would only be getting $850 financed even though my car is worth at least 3x that much and that the minimum payment would be substantial. Oh yeah, and they charged a $186 finance charge. So fast forward to now and I finally realized what I got myself into. I have to be popping $200 a month on interest on a $850 loan and if it takes me too long I might end up equaling or exceeding the amount borrowed in just interest! That’s getting close to a mortgage! It’s like a credit card bill. People like car finance places know what they’re doing. They’re loan sharks knowing that they’re always going to make massive profits over idiots like me who are too excited/too desperate for money that they would sign away to almost 4x higher than a bank’s interest! So, basically I’m in debt so I’m trying to sell as much of my unwanted/unneeded technology and working as much as I can at my minimum wage job to get the money I need. If my hours slip for any reason, I’ll end up having to pay out the ass for interest. I’m never doing this to myself again!!! The only legit real loan is the one you go to your bank about when you’ve established excellent credit and have a good job with steady pay that will allow you to pay it back quickly! This obsession over money has now spilled over into my studies and my need for increasing amount of hours is cutting into my study time which I consider very important so it’s really stressing me out. I’ve never experienced debt before and I don’t know how so many of us Americans can fall into it. You should never buy something that you can’t afford. That’s the danger of credit – it allows you to do that and has no safety net for when you do.

That’s enough about that.  Onward onto my plans for the future and my rants:
I read an interesting education article a few days ago that asked the question ‘does your college major really matter?’ and then it proceeded to explain how most students are seeing school as a means to an end rather than a learning experience and thus are coming out with lackluster critical thinking and communication skills. I think this guy hit the nail on the head. Everyone got into a big puff because he was debunking the whole college major thing – “Zomg, I’m an engineer! Don’t tell me a English major can get my job” – No one’s saying that. What the guy was trying to point out is that we’re telling kids that college is a way to secure a job when it’s not really as straightforward and clearcut as that. College is supposed to be a time for learning and skill development but it doesn’t really truly prepare you for a job – only related experience can do that. College teaches you about how to think and communicate. It teaches you to not take facts as undisputed truths and to delve deeper. We now live in a global environment so businesses are going to increasingly need strong problem solvers. This all starts with the proper education.  We need to teach kids the basics of communication and listening because these things are not being taught. We need to teach them how to study, we need to teach them how to think and inspire them to think; the one gift afforded to humans that allows us to change with our environment rather quickly.

It’s funny, I once read a review on Amazon on a Calculus textbook. The guy in the review was talking about how kids nowadays have everything dumbed down for them and how only 60 years ago the math textbooks of the day challenged kids a lot more and as a result that’s how we had the great wonders that emerged from the post-WWII era. He felt that kids nowadays don’t have the skills necessary to be able to survive in the workplace of the modern age. That made me think: are we really making things easier for kids? Are we truly not preparing them to enter the real world? Are we not inspiring the thinkers, inventors, writers, of this generation? Will this generation solve the greatest threats facing humanity as we know it?

I don’t know the answer to these questions because I’m a 22 year old kid going through the ‘system’ just like many other kids are but it does cause me to wonder. What are we lacking or how was the past better?

Finally, I’m going to wrap up this long and grammatically incorrect post with an idea I would like to to delve into deeper in the future: Remember that idea I had about a computer business? Still want to do that but I had an idea concerning an underlying problem in my city. It came to me when I remembered what Senator Mike Rodrigues said about my city – it has the potential to grow but no businesses want to expand here because this is a forgotten factory city. The workforce is not skilled enough to be able to fill the jobs that businesses need filled. He also told me how a local medical software company was changing all that by offering full time positions to programmers with associate degrees. Then it hit me, I should start a non-profit in my city to help get peoples technical skills up. Am I perfect for the job? No, some of my friends would make me look like a ape in front of a computer with their level of technical finesse and skill but I want to get people who have those skills and are passionate about helping others to join me in my efforts. I think this city has great potential but that potential is drying up what I like to call a vicious cycle and I think the only way out of it is proper affordable education. I want to offer free education on technical literacy to these students – real localized instruction utilizing state of the art instruction techniques and brain research – taking those who are computer phobic to intermediate programmer. Okay, maybe not that far but get these people started and skilled enough so that they don’t break into cold sweats when they see a monitor. Think about it: if my city has a more educated workforce I could possibly bring business here, I could succeed as a business because I could supply the big businesses, and best of all I could help the local new tech savy populace. People might think I’m crazy – that the only real tech savy people exist in sun bathed California but I wouldn’t knock these old factory workers for the count. There’s a market out there for IT and I may not be the best guy to find it/teach it but I want to lay the steppingstones so someone else can take over my work.

Maybe I’m glamorizing the whole thing but a clean office with a nice view helping my local community surely doesn’t sound that unreal to me!

-Over and out!

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Bad day

Today has just been awful. I woke up at 6:45am to get ready for my wonderful ‘Best Buy Sales Induction’ – 4 fun filled days (32 hours) of how to sell more shit to the customer. Well, I end up taking my usual half hour to eat and by the time I’m out of the house it’s 8AM. I have to go all the way up to Framingham, MA because there are no local training areas for this shit. My GPS told me I’d be there around 9AM. That kinda sucked but at least I’d be getting there right on time. I find this place where there’s a Geek Squad van in the back and I think that must be the right place but all I see are some orange garage doors. So then I go around to the front of the store which has it’s door partially unlocked. Someone then comes outside and asks me if I’m here for the sales induction, I say yes, and he says it’s around back by some shady side door entrance. I go through there and the office looks like I’m there waiting to book a vacation to the Bahamas or something. There’s no one at the front desk and the time is quickly approaching 9:20. Rather than knock on the door and go in late, I just decide to lie to my supervisor. I tell her that my girlfriends in the hospital and I really have to leave and if we could reschedule this thing. I don’t know why I did it but I was so scared of what the person inside would think of me for coming in 20 minutes late when everyone else was already there that I couldn’t bother to even to go in.

Now, to be fair the lie wasn’t an outright lie. My girlfriend was in the hospital a few weeks ago and her mom texted me last night to let me know that she was in the ER again. I just took that story and made it sound more dramatic so I could be let off the hook with this training stuff.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me man. I care so much about what other people think of me it’s not even funny. I drove back for an hour and a half,  paid a toll, put over 100 miles on my car, wasted half a tank of gas all because I couldn’t bear the awkwardness of getting to a place late.

I’ve also been in near accidents all day today. Almost crashed into a BMW getting out of the gas station and almost crashed into a pole early this morning because I wanted to get the hell away from my mom.

Oh yeah, and my girlfriends suffering from depression and I might actually lose my job for this. This days getting better and better…

Back from a long vacation

I don’t mean for the title of this post to be misleading – I didn’t really go on vacation, I just haven’t been posting in my journal for a while.

Updates:

Well, I finally am starting work on this new computer I’m building and it’s freaking sweet. It’s so fast right now and I’m going to keep pushing it for as long as I make money! Some guys have their cars, I have my technology :p

I’m also thinking about starting a new website where people can just join and chat about whatever they want and share their computer pics and other pictures. I’ll be using it a sort of personal portfolio of sorts so I can share some signatures and beats I’ve made in the past and will continue to make in the future.

Finally, the last update of all and the most gruesome: While my girlfriend was away on her study tour in England, she contacted this guy and flirted with him sexually. She says its because she didn’t feel like I wanted to be in the relationship anymore and that I’d be better off – without formally calling it off. So basically, this dude ends up asking to fuck her and she’s OK with it and then finally she says to ‘get him off her back’ she sends him pictures of her tits.
Sorry for the bluntness and matter of fact stating of this stuff, but I write about it because it hurts. She says it’s because I gave her doubts and I did – I wanted to have sex with other girls and took steps in that direction. Had some of these girls not changed their minds at the last second I could have very easily crossed that line. So, she had right to think that I didn’t want to be in the relationship, despite whatever I said. Actions always speak louder than words.

We’re working things out now and I put that behind me but I have a feeling that I’m going to keep getting reminded of some Oxford asshole having access to those pictures anytime he wants and him possibly being better than me.

On that note, the new limited edition Picachu Nintendo 3DSXL looks freaking sweet and expensive! I definitely will be getting one for Pokemon X and Y in October.

Look forward to the new website folks! I hope to have some of you on it and joining in on some interesting discussions. 😀

Broken into

I know I haven’t written on this in a while but today I seriously need to vent. I have so much work and studying to do for some upcoming exams and I can’t even focus on them because of something that happened today in the morning. I’m already kind of late because I slept in for an extra 20 mins. because I was up late last night working on some homework. I head up the hill to go to my car to go to school and I find all the doors unlocked and all my c0mpartments open. I see stuff lifted that wasn’t like that the night before and I quickly realize I’ve been robbed. My GPS is gone, my tire pressure gauge, a flash drive with music on it and a couple of misc. items. I figure I should call the cops and report it but what good is that going to do? They’re not going to get back my stuff and I just decide that going to class is more important than dealing with this right now. When I get out of class, I check the trunk to make sure nothing’s been robbed there, and I see my expensive hydraulic car jack robbed.

The amount of car items robbed leads me to suspect it’s one of the asshole neighbor kids who think it’s cool to race their P.O.S Honda’s and everything. But, I swear, I’m not a violent person but any stretch of the imagination but if I catch the person who did this, I will bash their head in until they can’t see straight. You don’t go into someone elses property and steal their hard earned shit. These kids who live on my street are all bums, bringing baby drama and BS occasionally to my peaceful and good neighborhood and wreaking havoc ever since I was a kid.

I think about it logically and is it worth going to jail because some kids robbed $300 worth of items from my car, no, but if they were the ones to do it, I would honestly not hesitate to enact my revenge either on their cars or themselves personally.

I’m just leaving this post frustrated and unable to focus on my work. Now, I have to always double check that my doors are locked, park as close to my house as I can (which is a nightmare because these asshole kids take up all the parking spots in front of my house, thus forcing me to park further away from my house with less security), and they escape with a GPS full of addresses of people I care about or have visited.